All Oprah's Money Can't Make Her Thin

So Oprah's admitting to 200 pounds -- even with a personal trainer, chef, and oodles of money to spend on herself.

What that means to me is that all those as-seen-on-tv products that help you "lose weight while you sleep" and let you "eat all you want" can't possibly work. If you had Oprah's income wouldn't you try every product you could buy in between bites of every bad-for-you food you love and can afford?

So don't waste your money on diet junk. If it worked, Oprah would be thin.

Maybe being broke and cheap is what keeps me from being 200 pounds like her. I can't afford all that junk food, and I refuse to have to pay for medical care for the damage it does to my body.

Such a revelation could be the next big diet fad! I give you permission to buy all the products from my new diet plan.

Then I can be rich -- like Oprah!

But will that make me fat -- like Oprah?

Well, I can't possibly get that fat 'cause I can't possibly get that rich!

What a relief!